Ever since I was a little kid, I would always beg to my sister to let me take her camera and take pictures and record videos. I'm the kind of person who loves to pick up a camera, press the record button and film my world. I like being behind the camera instead of in front of it.
When I found out that there was a class that I could take at school involving video production, I was excited and quickly signed up. Second semester, I was in. :) Vis-com, here I come!
On the first day, I walked in after spending a couple of minutes trying to find the room. -______- Since I was new to this class (it's a year long class and I joined in the middle of the year...), I didn't know anyone. I nervously scanned the room for someone I know. Luckily, I found a girl that I known from middle school (we'll call her W). I sat down next to her. I wasn't close friends with her and I don't know if I should classify her as a "friend" either. I guess you could say the relationship between me and this girl was on the border line of friends and classmate. Anyway, I chit-chat with her a little, asked her about this class, small talk basically. My nervousness went down a little, I actually know somebody in this class. All of a sudden, a close friend of her (let's call her Q, alright?) came up and was all surprised that W was in this class. They started to talk to each other and I became invisible. When W asked Q where she was sitting, Q glanced at me. I knew she was hoping that I would move over so she and W could be together. "Oh, I'm going to sit over there", Q said as she pointed behind us. Class started and everything went alright.
I'm not going in detail about Tuesday and Wednesday. They were... ehh. For the past two days I would beg my friends to join that class so I wouldn't have to feel so lonely.
On Thursday, I decided to switch to the row behind where I originally sat. Hoping that maybe I would make a new friend. Yes, Q took my seat. I'm fine with it. Our teacher told us to get into groups, right then I wanted to switch out of the class. Everyone quickly paired up because they all knew somebody. W and Q paired themselves up with two other guys. I sat there, looking and feeling like a kindergarten on the first day of school (even though it's my fourth day). Two other guys sitting right next to me must have felt sorry for me because I was a loner or they just need an extra person in their group, so they invited me to join theirs. Our group filled out a worksheet and stuff. The usual school assignments. When it was about time to leave, W asked me, “Do you love-hate this class?" I stared at her, surprised she would ask me that. I replied in a quiet voice, "Kinda.". I was ashamed that she could tell. Q appeared out of nowhere and asked me, “Why?" as if it was the most casual thing to do. I mumbled some stuff and hoped that the bell would ring. What was I suppose to say? "Oh because I'm a frickin' loner in this class? Because I feel stupid? Because I feel like a loser?"
Friday came around. I told myself that if everything doesn't work out by Friday that I would switch out. My teacher said that today we were going to film something with our group. My group wasn't here. A wave of panic slapped me in the face. What was I suppose to do now? My group was gone and everyone had a group. I knew there were only two things I could do:
Plan A: ask a group if I could join there's.
Plan B: tell the teacher that my group is absent and I need a group. Which she would probably ask if anybody is willing to welcome me into a group, out loud, in front of the class. That would make me seem more of a loser. Once a group has been found for me, I would have to walk over to that group... the walk of shame.
I decided to go with plan A. I looked around the class, looking for which group seems friendly. Asian guy group, preppy girl group, Q and W's group... oh boy. My confidence suddenly went down. I took a deep breath and walked over to a group in the corner and asked if I could join. The rest of the class period went OK…
Right now, I’m starting to get mix feelings on whether I should switch out of that class or stay. I know some of you might think that might be the stupidest reason to switch out of a class but if you were in my position, you would understand. Photography and video production is something I love to do, probably something that not a lot of people know about me. I really want to stay in this class, but I just feel so out of place in class. Everyone knows everyone, everyone has their place… I just don’t fit in.
I know I probably wasted half an hour or more of your time by having you read this… but I just need someone to help me with this.
